Marilyn Thipthorpe

One commonly alleged myth is that rape is chiefly a sexual act. People with this conviction often involuntarily place the victim on trial. Motives, dress and actions become suspect not only to law enforcement officials but also to family and friends and the public. The person’s credibility may be questioned and their sexual activity and private life may be made public. Perhaps because of the guilt, embarrassment and humiliation, rape has been a highly underreported crime. However, a variety of psychologists and sociologists have begun to study the psychology of rape and rapists. Their findings have shown that rape is a crime of violence. Sexual desire is less a motivation for the perpetrator than violent aggression.
But then why is it called rape culture? How can rape be part of a culture? There’s been a lot of probes in the recent surge of females being raped and murders all over the country, this sort of news is publicized, and rightly so. Something that no one seems to be acknowledging is the more tacit attack made on boys. I believe that these issues need to be spoken about as everyone goes running around giving speeches and having sit-ins and protests when women are raped but do we ever hear of the rape of a man in our society? Have you?
It’s a common misconception that males cannot get raped; they are often ridiculed for saying that they have been harassed. One boy said that when he opened up to his best friend he was told he should be happy that a ‘chick’ was hitting on him. Many men say that were threatened by their rappers, most of whom they knew, like Turjo* who was threatened by his stepfather who said that if he told anyone his sisters would be hurt.
The topic of rape is taboo in Bangladesh; it is not something that children are cautioned against like jay walking or kidnappers and even when cases like Tonu’s do crop up, its always hush-hush and in the context of women being raped by men, the mere idea that a man can be raped, is alien to us. If you look at the statistics however, one in every ten rapes is a male victim. Many Bangladeshi’s are not even willing to accept this but the cold hard facts are than this number is too low to be realistic and this too is because most males do not report cases of being sexually harassed or assaulted. Most of the time this is due to the stigma related to male victims coming forth, they might be ridiculed, they suffer from severe confusion and frustration over the trauma.
Under Section 375 of the Bangladesh Penal Code, rape is stated to be “sexual intercourse with a woman under circumstances falling under 5 descriptions: 1: Against her will; 2: Without her consent; 3: With her consent given under duress or threats; 4: With her consent when she is unaware that the perpetrator is not her husband; 5: With or without consent when the girl is below 14 years of age.
Have you noticed any common thread in all these stipulations? They are all related to females being raped, no mention of any males. Take the case of Hridoy*, he says that he did not know what was happening to him was rape, as he thought only women could be raped. The man in question was a trusted friend of the family and his tutor. He goes on to say that he is now confused about his sexuality due to the occurrence, he wonders if he might be gay after all he did have sex with a man. This is a recurring question and dilemma that resurfaces, boys like Hridoy do through these traumatic episodes affected by trusted friends, family member and teachers, they have no one to turn to and no idea what has happened to them. Even coming out can is a problem as parents try to avoid the allegations rather than provide their children with therapy and counseling. Most men live in the dilemma if their voices will ever be heard. Most boys are often sexually assaulted when they are quite young which pushes their predators into the group of pedophiles, which is a serious psychological disorder which must be checked as soon as discovered.
A more damaging assumption is that women cannot rape men. This is presumptuous and baseless; rape is rape and can be done by any person regardless of their gender or sexual orientation. This argument is completely sexist and as rape is a medium to show dominance or power of one person over another and as a result anyone can do it. Want to hear something really funny, by the so called civilized, developed countries. Under the British 2003 Sexual Offence Act, says that rape can only occur is there is penetration of the anus, mouth or vagina by a penis. Note the condescending condition that penetration must be done by a penis for the term rape to be applied. So what happens if a woman penetrates a man with a foreign object? This double standard occurs due to patriarchal assumptions.
All this being said, I personally do not know any man who has opened up, about being raped but I do know quite a few who say; often in a boast and often in tears; that they were sexually assaulted. This is silent yet persistent problem all over the world. What are we staying silent for, are we afraid of any repercussions, what could those possibly be? Isn’t ensuring the safety of our future, be it male or female more important than anything else in the world? Listen up Bangladesh, its time to be the leaders of change. If we take this step of acknowledging that boys are raped or sexually assaulted or harassed then we pioneer as the advocates of change.