Hey Eve

Do you miss me? I know it’s kinda funny asking such question after so many years. We are both adults going to varsities now. But, how’s it going actually? Haven’t talked to you for like 3 years. But didn’t have the gut to answer your call this morning. Do you know, I still have the coffee mug that you gave me on my birthday? It was the most precious thing to me. Brings back lotta memories every time I take a sip from it. The most precious times of my life, with you. It’s the only souvenir that I have of you. Tragically, I never actually had you.
I was quite the gothic type in the class. And you were the sweetheart. I was never never social or was ready to make the first approach. Thank you for making that easy for me. But ya, took some time though. Over 5 months after we met. I don’t believe in first sight crush. But your voice, your eyes kinda kept me captivated in the class. Funny thing, do you know, I tried to draw your face on the class blackboard in the lunch break? Horrible, horrible! My poor artistic skills. But I think you figured out about me when I suddenly came from the last row and started sitting in the second row. Is it kind responsibility for every first girl to sit at front? Whatever, it wasn’t too boring hearing to the class lectures while having you in sight. Yeah, maybe it was kinda creepy. But, I was glad that one day you came to sit beside me and we had whole day long chat about our Math teacher’s pants. You probably realized, I was pretty down all the time. Living at my uncle’s as an orphan had been kinda depressing. I hadn’t have celebrated my birthday for like last 6 years then. When you brought the cake to the class on my birthday, you have no idea how happy I was. That is when I knew, I fell for you. You are the one. The first one.
All the laughs and times we shared. Remember the time I called you to say, it was full moon and it was shining as bright as you are. But, actually your father picked up the phone. I got so scared! He was quite cool about it though. Agreed with me and said I should go have a walk outside. I still confirm the person on the other side of the pone every time while calling. Though I always felt something was missing. Something was off about us, you know? Dating you became more like a task/challenge for me. Never really felt any bond between us. Much like out of commitment and designation of being the boyfriend. You were so sweet, asking me, if I was getting bored or anything. No, I didn’t care for you reply on every little things. Or to be funny or laugh at my every jokes. I just felt you never really opened up and cared about us. Just after passing through the topics about hobbies and likings, I ran out of things to ask you about. It always felt like, throwing you a catch but you never returned back. Even brick wall bounces back the ball. You also knew, right? But, I tried again and again to stay optimistic. Denying the inevitable facts. You would just say, you weren’t ready. Still lingered onto me. Said, you never wanted to lose me. But it was getting more and more weird. I was unhappy spending times with you. May be I had over expectation from you. Just so you know, I always cared and I still do.
We started talking less and drift apart. Though you sounded about the same. We only spoke or texted like once week. I just was regretting having feelings for you. Felt wrong to do so to myself. So, I stopped replying to your texts. Didn’t answer your further calls. Was it rude? I just didn’t want us to apart on a rough patch. Or maybe problem was, none of us ever really opened up about our true feelings. I just wanted to say that, I am sorry. After all, you deserved some last thoughts from me for not answering the call this morning. And the reply for the message that you left.
Right before you I missed your call. I had the coffee mug in my hand. I saw, a little part of it, had chipped off from the tip and some cracks on side. Though we parted away from each other. But this mug always treasured and reminded the good memories of us. It was the most precious thing to me. But that little broken off chip, surprisingly did not worry me much. I don’t know why. Yeah it kinda bothered a bit. Made me feel a bit guilty. But not as much it would have a year ago. The crack and the broken side may be representing about us. It was beautiful, but it is now old and cracked. Trying to fixing it, might just break it. You will always have a special place in my heart. Let it stay that way. First cut is the deepest.

Your
Gloomy  Boy