
A Goodbye for a New Hello!
Sakib Khondokar
To, the girl who meant heavens to me.
Just like last time I’ll quote something from my favorite writer Nicholas Sparks (yes, I admit he’s cheesy af), but it’ll be in the end so just keep on reading now.
There’s nothing left of me to say to you really but it doesn’t feel right without a proper goodbye.
This letter is for all those moments I’ve enjoyed with you. This letter is an apology for all those times I hurt you. This letter is a million sorry for all those times I made you cry. This letter is an end to your pains and a start to your happy life.
Remember when you said things would get better? I hoped so too, until you said to my bestfriend that I hurt you more than I loved you.
I know I’ve said it a million times but I’ll say it one last time.
People are flawed. As a human being, I’m flawed too and I’ll make
mistakes, so will the guy you might fall for in years to come by if we go apart and so will the guy you might marry according to your father’s wish. That’s life and we humans aren’t perfect.’
I never promised you of not hurting you but I promised you of making it up to you every time I hurt you intentionally or unintentionally, until you give me a reason not to. And when you said that to my bestfriend I knew I had no other reason to hold onto you. This is where we drift away from each other.
Love, we are toxic to each other and both a mess.
”I’m not strong enough for both of us. What was I supposed to do? You know I love you.’’ Bomb (last time for calling you this too), whatever I said yesterday I said those to push you away and know that I didn’t mean those at all. All I wanted was you to go away.
I’m sorry i can’t keep you happy. I’m sorry I can’t understand you as much as you want me to understand you. I’m sorry for everything.
I want you happy, believe me, even if that makes you go away from me. You’re better off without me. I want you to find love again and I know you will, InShaAllah. I hope you find a guy who doesn’t hurt you as much as I do and loves you a lot more than I do.
This is the day I finally got the meaning of ‘Only know you love her when you let her go.’ I loved you enough to let you go, bomb.
Heaven, Allah and hereafter exists you said so yourself, right? I heard that you meet people you love in Heaven after death. If there is a grain amount of goodness in my heart I hope I get to have a glimpse of you there at least if not in this world anymore.
Undoubtedly, you were the best thing that ever happened to me, and me being a douchebag and a stress giver (understatement) couldn’t hold onto you. Such an idiot I am!
Almost to the end…
“This is not a goodbye, my darling (bomb), this is a thank you. Thank you for coming into my life and giving me joy, thank you for loving me and receiving my love in return. Thank you for the memories I will cherish forever. But most of all, thank you for showing me that there will come a time when I can eventually let you go.
I love you, T.”
This is probably the second and last thing I’ll be writing to you in letter form, and the last time you’ll be hearing from me.
Have a happy life, that’s all I’ll say. I love you, bomb, and a part of me always will! From,
Your sinner.
